a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize