I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
