She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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