So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
