You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
In America we eat man semen.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
