Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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