Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize