Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
