Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
