I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
