Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it's like heaven, but drunker
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
