My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
