Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
