Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
