Where did you get a picture of my penis
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
