A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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