Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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