I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
