i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
