I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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