bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
