one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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