There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
