just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
