oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He better not be in your backpack
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
