i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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