3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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