I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We left the knife in your bed.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
