Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize