Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
