How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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