Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
