I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
