Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
