kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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