I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
