I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize