Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
