genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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