Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
