everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
