You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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