My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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