i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
