Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
