she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You were trust falling into bushes
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
