i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
