But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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