She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
