I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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