I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
