I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
