she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
