last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize