i was rollin on her like bob the builder
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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