I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
