it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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