mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
