Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
