Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
