but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize