Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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