I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
