I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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