she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
