I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
