You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize