My friends, they love my intelligence
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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