no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
