its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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