??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
