She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
