We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
